I hate when people I care about have so many difficulties in their life. I hate when I can’t do anything to help them, and attempts to comfort are either ignored or futile in the first place. I abhor stress and the emotions it can impart to people. I am generally an apathetic person, guys…but there are days that the current circumstances and events will make it through my mental and emotional barriers that help me function daily. Certain actions just seem to set an avalanche of unconquerable events into motion. I do not know what happened first to put my life in such a strange state as it is now but I can think of several possible items. My parents are going through hell. Literally one of the worst times in their life, the bills are unbelievably tight, marital problems, personal struggles, it is all falling apart. That scares me more than I have been most of my life. The idea of my parents being on the street, separating (not divorcing, just putting some space between them each other), not having enough to eat. It hasn’t ever come up before. But it’s interesting now, and hard to handle knowing that I’m supposed to handle myself and basically ignore their issues because officially our lives have parted to that degree. What scares me worse? My brother has brain cancer. B-R-A-I-N C-A-N-C-E-R. He’s had two surgeries because the doctors missed some of the tumor previously. He has an ungodly amount of debt...I’m unwilling to even think about him dying relatively soon. Though, that scares me too. He’s going through something most people pass in their minds as something that happens on TV and couldn’t happen to a loved one. There’s chemo, radiation, an amount of drugs and steroids which make him not himself. He just got married not even a year ago. His wife is barely keeping her hope alive and her family is driving her crazy. I can’t do anything…It’s like I’m watching a movie where the script hasn’t been finished yet and no one really has a clue of what the plot will do. They’re going through hell. My sister is trying her damnedest to do what’s best for her son but can’t seem to keep her head above the water. What’s really ironic is that I and my brother are probably the best off and we are still working ourselves into the ground. I can feel myself going through the motions of so many things that I do everyday. Yet, I feel like it’s all empty and holds no meaning, like turning on a faucet and no water coming out but doing it repeatedly. I’ve turned into a responsible adult that is self-sufficient, on top of the things, controlled, and still learning that I do stupid things constantly. I’ve been forced to a point in life that most people don’t reach until five or six years from where I’m at now. I feel like I’m being shaken into a stupor. I don’t feel the stress until time finds a weak spot, which inevitably happens. Just those small pinpricks of actions disappointing people that care about, but that transpire from lack of self-control. Mainly, I’m frustrated; I’m tired, I’m scared. I’m sick of being helpless and I’m sick of being told that I should just focus on what’s best for me. Mainly I’m mortified at all the things that are going wrong and how they are trying to outweigh the things going right. I’m doing well in school, I’m doing well with bills, I’m staying healthy, my brother isn’t dead, my parents aren’t on the street, while I have few friends they seem to be loyal and caring. Generally things aren’t nearly as bad as they could be. While all of the aforementioned are potential tragedies, they are simply that: potential disasters and nothing more. Not a list that redeems the situation but it’s the immediate bright side. I don’t want sympathy, I don’t want empathy, I want prayers. YES…Jared Stephen is asking people to pray. For anyone who knows me, or has dealt with me in the past I’m sure it seems like a joke or at least not the likely thing I’d ask for. I may not be active in my Christianity as much as I should be, or would like to be, but I still believe that the deciding factor is God. So right now, I can see a couple of things that may be selfish in nature but not unreasonable as request. I’m praying for my brother to be healed…completely. Where he can function, and that he doesn’t have adverse effects from his treatments (blindness, shaking, heart attacks etc….yes those can occur in the long term). I’m praying that my family, as well as my in-laws, and families that know my brother, have the tenacity to deal with whatever happens. I’m praying guidance and peace be given to the people that need it. I’m praying that comfort and love is sufficiently shown to those that can’t find any hope, help, or love to hold onto. If I’m dealing with the situation well…than I know other people are going through so much worse. I posted to relieve pent up emotions, because I’m close to breaking down. Seriously, pray for my family. Take a minute and pray for yours, because while everything may seem perfect…you may be surprised at how the person that “has it all together” is really falling apart and needs a hug. | 
